Arcade acquisition
Chuck E. Cheese is for sale
Good morning, skee-ball superstars. This is your Stock Market Rundown for December 22nd, 2023. Thanks for reading. Let’s get started:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: PEPPERONI PROFITS
Not many restaurants would contemplate having a rat for a mascot. But Chuck E. Cheese’s youthful consumers adore the cartoon vermin. They love it so much that the chain, which provides birthday parties for kids featuring pizza and arcade games, has opened over 500 locations globally.
Chuck E. Cheese was founded in 1977 as a “passion project” by Nolan Bushnell, the founder of Atari, who obviously knew a thing or two about video games. (Pointless trivia: the “E” in Chuck E. Cheese stands for “Entertainment”.)
But the root beer hasn’t always flowed freely—in fact, Chuck has had more bankruptcy problems than Donald Trump. The business first filed Chapter 11 back in 1984 due to a crippling debt load.
Later, another bankruptcy handed creditors the keys again in 2020. You can’t really blame them for that one—the pandemic kept kids cooped up doing math class over Zoom, instead of diving into the ball pit.
Now, the business has emerged from bankruptcy and is exploring a sale, with a price tag that could top a billion bucks. The most likely bidders are either a private equity firm, or a strategic investor like competing kiddie party venue Dave & Busters.
And premium beer and wine has been added to the menu, for parents who need some liquid courage to face screaming eight-year-olds on trampolines. We’ll soon see whether these moves to make Chuck E. Cheese less cringe and more civilized are enough to woo a buyer who’ll pony up ten figures.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Instagram just introduced a feature that lets users ensure the content in their feeds is “fact-checked”. Bad news for influencers posting Photoshopped thirst traps.
While AI is getting better, there are still a few kinks to work out. Apparently, Microsoft’s new AI chatbot responds to election-related questions with lies and conspiracy theories. I can’t wait to find out what Joe Biden thinks about chemtrails and the Illuminati.
Remember Juul, the trendy vapes that were banned by the FDA for marketing to minors? The brand is angling to return to the US market with a menthol-flavored pod vape. The device has a chip meant to restrict underage access, but I’m guessing my son Jaden will be able to hack it, unless it requires passing calculus.
Nestle isn’t worried about Ozempic and other weight-loss drugs at all, according to CEO Mark Schneidere. In fact, he claims, they’re going to launch new products to “exploit the trend.” What new products, salted ice cubes?
Folks, that’s a wrap for today, and for the year. Stock Market Rundown will be on a rum egg nog break for the holidays, returning January 2nd. A sincere thank you for tuning in to hang out with me this year. Can’t wait to circle back with you for more nonsense in 2024. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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