Braised beef
Billionaire Brazilian butchers
Good morning, guardians of the grill. This is your Stock Market Rundown for January 18th, 2024. Thanks for taking a seat at my table. Let’s bite in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BULL MARKET
Prime rib, filet mignon, porterhouse… my apologies. I skipped lunch, which leads to intrusive thoughts about prime cuts of meat. And I’m not alone, given that Americans consume an annual average of 60 pounds of beef per person.
All that beef-eating boosts the bottom line of the world’s biggest meatpacker, Brazil-based JBS, which just announced plans to list its shares on the New York Stock Exchange. The company is already on the São Paulo Stock Exchange, but listing on the Big Board is a savvy ploy to pump up its valuation.
JBS was founded in 1953 by the company’s namesake, José Batista Sobrinho. He started out in a small butcher’s shop processing five cattle a day into flank, shank, and brisket. (Insert trigger warning for vegans.)
His sons became billionaires by building up the business through aggressive acquisitions. The Swift’s corned beef and Pilgrim’s garlic parm chicken wings you grab from grocery store shelves got shipped from a JBS-owned factory.
But not everybody is ready to hop on the meatwagon. A bipartisan group of senators just sent a letter to the SEC, the US’s top securities regulator, urging an examination of JBS’s rap sheet.
The politicos say the company has “a history of blatant, systemic corruption.” And they have a point: in 2017, the Batistas paid billions in fines to the Brazilian government to settle a massive inquiry into bribery and price-fixing.
What’s worse, environmental activists charge that the company’s cattle sourcing practices contribute to the deforestation of the Amazon rainforest. With so many strikes against JBS, their shares might not prove as popular as their smoked meat sandwiches.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Go ahead and splurge on that Louis Vuitton backpack you’ve been wanting: a top credit rating agency says the US economy is likely to dodge recession this year.
AbbVie, the maker of Botox, is bullish on its injectables business. Nothing wrong with getting your face frozen into eternal youth, just don’t go overboard. Some of the ladies at my tennis club look like wax figures from Madame Tussauds.
The sun never sets on the Slurpee empire. Sunoco is selling 204 convenience stores in the southwest US to 7-11 for $1 billion. The deal gives more Americans the opportunity to play culinary roulette with taquitos from the rotating grill, while sipping on a soda large enough to bathe in.
JP Morgan just scored its highest annual profit ever. Meanwhile, my savings account is still paying 0.01%... fellas, ever heard of sharing the wealth?
And we're done for today, respected peers; let's gather again tomorrow morning for more nonsense. Yours in capitalism, The Axe