Corporate raider
A dealmaker's last turnaround
Good morning, turnaround artists. This is your Stock Market Rundown for August 18th, 2023. Thanks for joining me. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: SHORTSELLER BEARS VS WALL STREET BULLY 💵
Even billionaires get the blues. In the past few months, storied dealmaker Carl Icahn has seen his personal fortune plummet by half, due to a Wall Street soap opera pitting him against a scrappy shortseller.
A medical-school dropout with lower-middle-class beginnings, Icahn became a famed corporate raider who made fortunes via activist investing. Over a 50-year career, he’s been a Wall Street gadfly and epic pain-in-the-ass for lazy management teams, and inspired the Gordon Gekko character in the movie Wall Street.
The bulk of Icahn’s wealth is tied up in Icahn Enterprises LP, his publicly-traded holding company. A notorious hardass, Icahn is famous for bon mots like: “Everything I have is for sale, except for my kids and possibly my wife.”
The recent drama began when short selling firm Hindenburg Research slammed Icahn for using a “ponzi-like” economic structure at his investment company. Their damning report accused Icahn’s eponymous firm of waving more red flags than a Chinese army parade, including negative cash flow and undisclosed borrowings.
Icahn blasted back that the report was “self-serving”, but just a few short months later, he cut the dividend in half… typically a desperate move of cash-starved companies. Whoops. The stock price declined precipitously in the aftermath.
Icahn now says he’ll refocus on activism; we wish him all the best for what might be his final turnaround. Let’s let Carl have the last word with another one of his famous quips: “If you work on Wall Street and want a friend, get a dog.”
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Home appliance company SharkNinja debuted on the NYSE after being spun off from its corporate parent. The badass-sounding company has taken share from competitors in boring-but-profitable product categories like air fryers and smart vacuums.
Suitable for casual Friday: McDonald’s is partnering with a streetwear brand to launch a merch collection. Who knew that clown Ronald was such a hypebeast?
Speaking of McDonald’s, turns out Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s dirty bulk fuel of choice is Oreo McFlurrys. He revealed his secret for going from pencil-neck nerd to buff BJJ bro is scarfing down McDonald’s meals.
Drill baby drill: global oil demand hit a record high in June 2023, and could set another record in August, analysts say. China was the biggest energy glutton, accounting for more than 70% of the growth.
Campbell Soup has agreed to buy the maker of Rao’s pasta sauce for $2.7 billion. Dumb—they literally could have just Googled the recipe for free.
That’s a wrap for this week, my friends. Have yourself a delightful weekend, and let’s meet up again first thing Monday. Yours in capitalism, The Axe