Cruise control
A Carnival of profits
Good morning, my drunken sailors. This is your Stock Market Rundown for July 4th, 2023. Wishing you a wonderful Independence Day, and hoping you’re hoisting a frosty brew or relaxing with your feet in a kiddie pool (or both). Let’s get into it:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BETTING ON LUXURY BOATS 🚢
What do you think of when you think “cruise”? Limbo on the lido deck while the DJ plays Pitbull? Drunk seniors sucking down bottomless mimosas? A bout of Norovirus that has you puking in your cabin, instead of working on your tan by the saltwater pool?
The cruise industry knows they’re considered not-so-cool. Turning around the perception that cruises are more than a boomer playground is going to be like turning around a thousand-foot-long vessel in open water.
The stocks of cruise operators have had more twists and turns than the three waterslides on the Harmony of the Seas. During panny it seemed like cruises were dead—remember when the Diamond Princess was adrift for weeks because no port wanted its petri dish of COVID infectees? Not the ideal way to use up your vacation days.
Happily, that awkwardness is now forgotten. Top cruise operator Carnival Corporation (CCL-NYSE) rallied recently thanks to Wall Street analysts calling it a “buy” on a robust recovery in bookings, and lower fuel costs.
Oh, about that fuel—the cruise industry has a Bigfoot-sized carbon footprint. Not exactly shocking that a floating hotel/shopping mall/casino is a pollution disaster. Try not to let the guilt get to you while you’re grabbing your third round of crab rangoons from the buffet.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Disney’s biggest brand properties are “princesses”, but the women who work there haven’t been getting the princess treatment: a lawsuit claims Disney paid female managers less than their male peers.
I got the X if you’re into taking drugs: shrinks in Australia can now dole out shrooms and ecstasy.
Due to a chili shortage, Sriracha sauce is in such limited supply that bottles are going for $70 on eBay. Prayers up for the chili farmers, we don’t want to live a bland life.
The World Health Organization is warning that aspartame is “possibly carcinogenic”. Look folks, aspartame is the most-studied ingredient in history and there’s never been conclusive evidence of a link to cancer. You will take my Diet Coke out of my cold, dead hands.
In a recent interview, Black Swan bro Nassim Taleb proffers a few of his usual spicy takes, calling Bitcoin “a tumour” and crypto “a cult”. This is going to upset Jaden—he YOLO’d into Dogecoin at the top.
That’s it for today my compadres, see you tomorrow. Yours in capitalism, The Axe