Crypto confessions
Binance boss gets bagged
Happy Thanksgiving, my friends; hope you’ve spending it with those you love, and that you’ve got your eating pants on. This is your Stock Market Rundown for November 23rd, 2023. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: WHEN CRYPTO GETS CRIMINAL
Another day, another crypto scandal. The latest drama is at Binance, the world’s biggest cryptocurrency exchange. Its founder, Changpeng Zhao (better known as “CZ”) pleaded guilty to money laundering violations, after a years-long probe.
It’s a devastating blow for the man who’s rumored to possess a $65 billion fortune. He’s going directly from five-star hotels, to a stint as a guest of the state—prosecutors are seeking an 18-month prison sentence.
The feds say Binance’s employees conspired to evade laws and failed to report suspicious transactions, turning their platform into JP Morgan for terrorists and drug dealers. The SEC has been going after crypto like a flock of seagulls going after a dropped box of french fries, and this settlement represents a major W.
Fact is, though, these criminal antics aren’t exclusive to crypto. Bankers in the teak-paneled halls of traditional banking have been pulling the same hijinks for generations. HSBC paid a mega-fine for serving as a conduit for Mexican drug cartels. Credit Suisse was caught helping clients evade taxes.
And Wells Fargo got nailed for falsifying records and raking in illegal fees. The list of bankers behaving badly goes on and on. Crypto is just joining the party already in progress.
Binance will continue as a going concern, despite being forced to cough up $4.3 billion in fines. As for CZ, he’s tweeting through the pain: he vowed he’s done with startups, but “open to being a coach/mentor” to other founders, so if you’re looking for advice, hit him up.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Kim Kardashian’s private equity firm just acquired Truff, a manufacturer of premium truffle-infused sauces like mayo and hot sauce. Not sure I really need “luxury condiments” when I’m making a BLT in my kitchen at 1 AM, but congrats to Kim.
Rumour has it Jeff Bezos is selling around a billion bucks’ worth of Amazon stock. No, he’s not planning to buy a second yacht as a Christmas present to himself—the cash is to fund Blue Origin, his rocket startup. Every retired guy needs a hobby.
Sony reported a quarter with lower revenue thanks to weakness in its chip and imaging sensor businesses. But the console business is going gangbusters: Sony expects to ship 25 million Playstation 5 units this year. That’s a lot of 10-year-olds getting nightmares from the latest installment of Resident Evil.
Amazon is launching a roving mini-robot that businesses can use as a security guard to patrol for break-ins. Cute, but if this thing is gonna actually be effective at deterring threats, it needs a Taser arm.
That's all for today, valued colleagues; let’s reconvene tomorrow morning, at the usual time. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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