Crypto holy grail
Bitcoin enters its ETF era
Good morning, crypto whales. This is your Stock Market Rundown for October 18th, 2023. Thanks for joining me. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BITCOIN’S BIG BREAK 🪙
Hearing the word “crypto” may make you feel like you’re in a time warp back to 2021. With Bitcoin down 50% from its peak, isn’t crypto as over as skinny jeans and Bruno Mars?
Not so fast. Crypto may be at the cusp of a resurgence, courtesy of mainstream Wall Street.
To institutionalize an asset class, you need instruments that are reliable… traditional… not prone to getting rugged by Lithuanian hackers… or accidentally entombed in a landfill.
So how do you make Bitcoin “safe” enough that even a retiree in Boca Raton can YOLO into it? Easy: create a product that tracks the price of Bitcoin, but trades on a stock exchange. This concept—the spot Bitcoin ETF—is a “holy grail” to crypto bros, but it’s giving US regulators a conniption fit.
Top industry participants like Fidelity, WisdomTree, and BlackRock have submitted applications to launch Bitcoin ETFs, trying to get their fingers in the crypto pie. But the SEC rejected them on fears of fraud and market manipulation.
Now, a court has ruled that the SEC’s denial of spot Bitcoin ETFs was “arbitrary and capricious.” (This is the regulatory equivalent of a sick burn.) So, Bitcoin spot ETFs are probably coming soon to a brokerage platform near you.
That said, like most government bureaucracies, the SEC moves at the speed of a tree sloth on ketamine. So your grandad will have to wait until 2024 before he can hodl some Bitcoin in his 401K.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
WeightWatchers is sorry they said you were a fat slob. Now that they can prescribe weight-loss pills, the company has apologized for previously implying obesity could be beaten with willpower and calorie-counting.
The land of magical make-believe is becoming home to parlays and prop bets. Squeaky-clean Disney will launch an ESPN betting app next month. They can get away with this, because most people have no idea that Disney owns ESPN (which technically makes Skip Bayless and Jalen Rose co-workers of Pocahontas and Snow White).
The state of Utah is suing TikTok, arguing it harms children because they’re so addicted to the app. Man, parents these days are soft. In my day, if us kids let Super Mario interfere with our homework, Mom would just confiscate the Nintendo.
Amazon is testing a “Buy Again” feature to spur repeat purchases. So if your mouse slips, you could end up accidentally buying multiple Nicholas Cage Sequin Throw Pillows. They really tie the room together.
That’s it for today, my friends; see you tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe