Cutting the cord
The battle for your remote
Good morning, channel surfers. This is your Stock Market Rundown for September 5th, 2023. Thanks for joining me once again. Let’s get started:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BEGIN THE CABLE WARS HAVE 📺
For years, streaming services have cannibalized cable. Now, war has broken out between Big Cable and Hollywood. If you were among the millions who couldn’t tune into the US Open tennis tournament this weekend, this boardroom dispute was to blame.
As of last week, Disney’s existing deal with the second-largest US cable company, Charter, expired, and the parties were unable to agree on terms to extend the relationship. Result: blackout. Fifteen million TV subscribers lost access to ABC, ESPN, and other Disney-owned channels.
In a call with investors, the CEO of Charter waxed melodramatic, saying “we’re on the edge of a precipice.” Fact is, cable has been teetering on the edge for a while: cable and satellite providers lost 25 million subscribers over the past 5 years. Traditional cable subscribers are cutting the cord, trading Comcast bills for Netflix and chill.
Disney, of course, wants to jack up prices for their valuable content. But the average American’s monthly cable bill is coming in at a sky-high $126 a month. Anybody want to switch from ribeye steak to Hamburger Helper just to pay more for cable? Me neither.
The balance of power has shifted because Disney doesn’t need the cable companies anymore—they can go direct to consumers via their own streaming services like Disney+, ESPN+, and Hulu. The sides are dug in, and if they can’t arrive at a truce soon, Charter may end up dropping Disney content permanently.
If they do, Charter’s TV subscribers may soon face a blackout of football games as the college and NFL seasons begin. No tennis is one thing, but no football? To quote Warren Buffett, shit just got real.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
No more lunchtime dog-walking breaks: Facebook is joining the rest of Big Tech and forcing employees to show up at the office three days a week. “They don’t seem to be fucking around,” a bemused employee was quoted as saying.
Watch your Datejust: Spurred by a strong resale market, luxury watches are now getting stolen as often as the sample lipsticks at Sephora. Thefts of high-end watches have spiked 60% year over year, with Rolex the most pilfered brand.
Best Buy beat expectations but scaled back its outlook for the rest of the year, as its customers are reportedly more into spending money on “experiences” and not on $800 laser-equipped Dyson vacuum cleaners.
Crime, but put it on the blockchain: the former head of product at a top NFT marketplace has been sentenced to jail for wire fraud, becoming the first person to go to jail over a cartoon JPEG.
Lego’s sales are up in 2023 so far, bucking trends of declining revenue at other toy companies. It’s unknown what proportion of sales are to adult males who want to put together a Lego Bugatti.
That’s it for today, friends; see you bright and early tomorrow. Yours in capitalism, The Axe