Deep dive
Databricks gets sorted
Good morning, data whisperers. This is your Stock Market Rundown for February 28th, 2024. Thank you, once again, for reading. Let’s get started:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: DATABRICKS JUMPS IN THE DEEP END
When you hear “lakehouse”, you’re probably thinking about taking out the jetski to rip around the waves while enjoying a Natty Light.
But in the software biz, a “lakehouse” is a system for organizing data. Sounds way less fun, right? Don’t worry: I’m not here to give you a crash course in data management.
We have experts to handle that, like the data scientists at Databricks, a San Francisco-based startup founded ten years ago. Currently valued at $43 billion, it’s a likely candidate for a multi-billion-dollar IPO in 2024.
So what exactly does Databricks do? Imagine you have an inground pool full of Lego bricks. Databricks is like an automated assistant for sorting through that big pile of Lego, but instead of Lego, they deal with massive-scale data. (Stay with me, folks—we’re almost done the technical part.)
Databricks helps customers like AT&T and Toyota sort through their data, understand it, and then use it to make smart decisions or build new things, like apps or services. It makes working with data much less painful than accidentally stepping on a stray Lego.
All this has some cool real-life applications. For example, in an interview with CNBC, Databricks CEO Ali Ghodsi boasted that the Texas Rangers used Databricks’ AI tools to win the World Series. The team connected sensors to the players, then analyzed the data with an AI model to optimize the winning swing. It’s like Moneyball on steroids.
Remember, in the Yukon gold rush, it wasn’t the miners who got rich; it was the folks who sold picks and shovels. The “picks and shovels” of AI are vendors like Databricks. If they go public soon, that could have investors seeking treasure.
What do you think? Do you trust AI? Or is it a surveillance scam by the CIA, like that guy I heard talking to himself on the bus said? Let’s discuss in the comments:
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
If the German economy were a soccer game, it’d be a nil-nil quarter. The country is in recession due to high energy costs and weak foreign demand.
And you thought Shohei Ohtani got a big payday? Steve Schwarzman, top exec of Blackstone, took home nearly $900 million last year. Apparently private equity pays even better than pitching heaters..
Reddit’s documents for its upcoming IPO revealed that last year it lost $90 million. How exactly do you lose that much money when the site consists entirely of content the users post for free? Does every employee have their own private jet?
Toyota is in trouble for cheating on emissions tests. Sounds like they got caught copying off Volkswagen’s homework.
A startup backed by celebrities like Will Smith and Kevin Durant has launched the first mass-market electric sport boat. The boats will set you back $250K, and ensure you’re ecologically green while you’re smuggling cocaine across the Gulf of Mexico.
So concludes today’s program; tune in tomorrow for more at our usual morning hour. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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