Getting trippy
Psychedelic startups
Good morning, my screamin’ eagles. This is your Stock Market Rundown for June 28th, 2023. Thanks for reading. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BECAUSE I GOT HIGH 🍄
1980s Wall Street. Notorious for parties that featured Colombian Marching Powder, and enough handfuls of quaaludes to put Jordan Belfort in a coma.
Who would have guessed that business in the 2020s would be just as drug-infused? Except now, you have Elon Musk advocating for ketamine and tech startup founders quaffing poison derived from an indigenous Amazonian monkey frog. Can I get a double, no ice?
If you work at a venture firm, forget the booze cruise: your next office party might get livened up with psychedelics. Fun—you can fall into a K-hole while trying to make polite chitchat with the boss’ wife. I’m sure she won’t notice your pupils have dilated to pinpricks.
Hallucinogen use has surged in recent years, with 8% of young adults reporting having used them in the previous year. Maybe the pandemic was just so mind-bendingly boring we’d do anything to escape, even smoke, snort, or pop something that would lull us into a shadowy spirit realm. At least in a spirit realm there’s no Wal-Mart greeter screaming at you to put on your mask.
Social acceptance has turned psychedelics from fringe subculture into big business (check out this mega-list of public companies in the space). Opening ketamine clinics was a boom a few years ago, but as usual in a hype cycle, the land rush led to a bust, and the “ketamine clinic collapse” now has many clinics shuttering.
While “legal drug dealer” sounds like easy money, running these clinics ain’t cheap—you have to find clients willing to pay out of pocket, as Special K is not covered by Blue Cross. And that’s not even getting into the costs of the décor (millennial-pink beanbag chairs and eucalyptus-scented candles, I’m guessing).
Even in the trendiest industries, cash flow is king. Probably better to stick to microdosing over an Excel spreadsheet.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
A messaging app startup that raised over a hundred million bucks was a fraud, and 95% of its users were “automated or bots”. I award a “you tried” gold star to the VCs who greenlit this.
Landlords are in shambles on headlines that rents are declining and will fall further. Renters: now’s your moment to ask for a discount.
Brazil, Russia, India, China, and South Africa are chatting amongst themselves about developing a new joint currency to rival the US dollar in global trade. These cross-national confabs can barely agree on what donuts to get for the meeting, so good luck coordinating a challenge to the almighty greenback.
Amazon is poised to become the biggest American retailer, surpassing Wal-Mart. Jeff Bezos’ brainchild has let us buy underwear, yoga mats, and frying pans directly from the Shenzhen factory. Question: how do these Chinese manufacturers come up with brand names like FEETLU, SIFENE, and KNSBK? Are they grabbing Scrabble tiles at random?
That’s it for today, see you bright and early tomorrow. Yours in capitalism, The Axe