Epic win
Google gets a slap on the wrist
Good morning, esports elites. This is your Stock Market Rundown for December 18th, 2023. Thanks for joining me for another week of financial fun times. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: EPIC’S WINNING STRATEGY
Fortnite is beloved for its “battle royale” game format, where players parachute into the action and seek victory through skillful shooting. But recently, the maker of Fortnite, Epic Games, got caught up in battle royale of its own, against a behemoth of tech—Google.
Google has a chokehold on which apps get downloaded on Android phones, via its Play app store. And according to Epic, Google exploits that control to extort app-makers like a mob boss collecting protection money.
Epic and other developers are forced to pay in-app fees that can slice off up to 30% of their revenue. To fight back, Epic brought an antitrust lawsuit against Google. The trial was a David and Goliath story, with Epic the teensy underdog, and Google the roaring giant.
Jurors were regaled with tales of Google’s “blatant document destruction” and secret revenue-sharing deals designed to suppress rival app stores. The company that used to live by the slogan “don’t be evil” came off looking like a cross between Gargamel and Skeletor.
In stunning setback for Google, the nine-person jury unanimously agreed that Google’s anticompetitive actions damaged app developers and consumers. The verdict will loosen Google’s grip on app developers, and save them millions.
Epic is taking a victory lap, with the CEO declaring “Victory over Google!” on Twitter. As for Google, they’re grumbling about appealing. Time will tell whether this battle royale will see a rematch.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Zut alors: Krispy Kreme has launched in Paris and plans to launch 500 locations in France over the next year. While it may be surprising that the people who invented pastry would toss aside croissants in favor of crullers, Parisians are lining up in droves for American-style beignets.
Consumer advocates are urging for stronger warnings on Botox due to serious side effects. Maybe it’s time to forget the forehead-wrinkle injections and just get bangs instead.
Netflix was down briefly last week, forcing people to actually interact with their family members. Luckily the “technical issue” was quickly fixed and they were able to return to binge-watching Young Sheldon.
Global EV sales are smashing records, hitting 1.4 million units last month, up 20% versus a year ago. That’s 1.4 million people who no longer have to struggle to remember which side of the car the gas tank is on.
That’s it for today, my friends; let’s circle back bright and early tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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