Gold heist
Bullion bandits strike at Brink’s
Good morning, bullion buffs. This is your Stock Market Rundown for October 17th, 2023. Thanks for tuning in once again. Let’s get it started:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: BLING BANDITS 🪙
It’s a scene out of of a mob movie. A heist at an airport cargo facility of $20 million in gold and cash. The burglar, vanished into thin air. The airline responsible, shrugging its shoulders like a flight attendant when the overhead compartments are full.
Here’s what went down: earlier this year, security company Brink’s was hired by a Swiss bank to move 400 kilograms of gold, plus a pile of cash, from Zurich to Toronto. The stuff made it to Toronto and was being held in what was supposed to be a secure warehouse.
Air Canada then allowed some unidentified person into the facility and, in exchange for doctored documentation, released the gold and cash. The thief peaced out with the loot in tow.
Folks, this isn’t shoplifting a lipstick at Sephora. I smell an inside job. Criminals aren’t randomly strolling into cargo facilities, presenting their library card, and gallivanting out with more gold bars than you can fit in your Louis Vuitton duffle.
With the trail running cold, Brink’s is now trying to recoup something by suing Air Canada. This whole sordid affair is a black eye for Brink’s, a top secure-transportation company. You’ve probably seen their armored trucks, and stern-faced employees toting Glocks as they re-up cash in ATMs.
Lesson: a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. You can hire the world’s best security logistics experts. But if the room with your stuff in it is being guarded by a minimum-wage security guard distracted by Candy Crush and half-asleep from the moussaka he had for lunch… you’re gonna get got.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
A UK golf retailer selling limited-edition Travis Scott Jordans will only sell them to buyers who can hit a golf ball 200 yards, to keep them out of resellers’ greedy clutches. Don’t count on copping a pair if your only golf experience is Golden Tee.
Investors are shaking in their Louboutins over a slump in luxury stocks. The faltering Chinese economy, plus US consumer budget-cutting, has led to fewer sales of Fendi Baguette handbags and Cartier Love bracelets.
Elon Musk is accusing US securities regulators of “harassment” as they pressure him to testify about possible securities law violations during his acquisition of Twitter. The SEC appears to have entire floors of lawyers dedicated to tracking Elon Musk like the US Army tracking a Chinese weather balloon.
The Fed thinks it can push inflation down to 2% without triggering unemployment. Well, my son Jaden thinks he can have a rap career, but so far he only has 38 followers on his Soundcloud. Get a job, Jaden!
That’s it for today, my friends; see you tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe