Let’s get frosted
Kellogg’s spins off Tony the Tiger
Good morning, midnight snackers. This is your Stock Market Rundown for October 13th, 2023. Thanks once again for reading—I appreciate you. Let’s get into it:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: SNAP-CRACKLE-POP SPINOFF 📈
Run a giant food company? Spent the past hundred years feeding processed extruded sugary foodstuffs to Americans? Out of ideas?
Why not break up your company? That’s what Kellogg’s has opted to do. They’re spinning off part of their business into a new public company, WK Kellogg, which will own the cereal brands like Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, and Rice Krispies.
The business of selling breakfast hearkens back to the founding of Kellogg, which was born when two vegetarian brothers invented boxed corn flakes—a meal so easy, “even dad could make breakfast now.”
Kellogg’s corporate HQ still resides in Battle Creek, Michigan, where the Kellogg bros operated a sanitarium that promoted their kooky nutrition ideas. They advocated bland, unseasoned food like oatmeal, particularly for those “suffering from sexual excesses”. Not sure what they’d make of Froot Loops.
While Tony the Tiger and Toucan Sam are still kings of the cereal shelf, the Kellogg’s of today makes most of its money from beloved comfort-food snack brands like Pringles, Eggo, and Cheez-Its. Post-spinoff of the cereal business, the snack business left behind has been renamed Kellanova.
Kellanova will hold onto the company’s plant-based brands, too, though those represent a piddling 2% of revenue. Apparently, Americans are still more keen on Pop-Tarts than they are on pea protein.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
McDonalds is bringing back the McRib, a product that’s had more farewell tours than Cher. Fun fact: the McRib contains no actual rib meat; it’s molded from ground pork shoulder as well as “otherwise unmarketable” pig parts like tripe and stomach. Tasty.
Junk-food stocks fell as Walmart’s CEO said shoppers on weight loss drugs like Ozempic are skipping the snack aisle. C’mon, American eaters, shareholders need you—scarf down some Doritos for the team.
Is it possible to become a billionaire as a mere employee? Maybe, but it definitely helps to be employed at the most valuable corporation on the planet. Tim Cook’s recent sale of a block of his Apple stock leaves him still holding half-a-billion bucks’ worth. Nice diversification move, Tim.
A startup has just launched a coffee made with commercial food waste rather than coffee beans, which they claim is more ecologically friendly. Idea: be even more ecologically friendly by boiling your dirty laundry and drinking the filthy sludge.
That’s a wrap for the week, my friends. Have yourselves a delightful weekend, and let’s meet up again first thing Monday morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe