Machine learning
Human drama at Open AI
Good morning, proficient programmers. This is your Stock Market Rundown for November 20th, 2023. Thanks for joining me for another week of financial fun times. Let’s get started:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: THE BOT STOPS HERE 🖥️
Imagine being CEO of the most cutting-edge tech company in Silicon Valley… then being dramatically fired when your board savagely turns on you… then being begged to come back by your investors.
This corporate drama played out over the past few days when the board of Open AI, an artificial-intelligence behemoth worth over $80 billion, shocked the industry by sacking the company’s CEO, Sam Altman.
Under Altman’s leadership, Open AI launched ChatGPT in November 2022, and it was an overnight smash hit. Okay, ChatGPT has more hallucinations than Hunter S. Thompson on an LSD binge, but it still has an uncanny ability to understand and generate human-like text. It can automate routine tasks, generate code, and even write rap lyrics.
So with everything going tickety-boo and Altman the public face of AI, why did he get shitcanned? The facts are hazy, but the board threw Altman under the autonomous bus, saying he was “not consistently candid”.
Top employees were so loyal to Altman that some were contemplating jumping ship to join him in any potential new venture. But they didn’t get a chance, because Open AI’s investors instantly swooped in, rallying to bring Altman back and boot the backstabbing board members.
This tech-bro soap opera is continuing to unfold, but it’s proof yet again: when you come at the king, you best not miss.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Tyson Foods did a voluntary recall of 30,000 pounds of Chicken Fun Nuggets. Turns out biting into “small metal pieces” that somehow got accidentally sprinkled into the product isn’t really what consumers consider “fun”.
Pandora, the favourite jewelry maker of your sister-in-law whose house is full of “Live, Laugh, Love” signs, reported a quarter that beat estimates and raised the sales outlook for its collectible trinkets.
Big Pharma saw what Ozempic did for Novo Nordisk and said “we’ll have what they’re having”: AstraZeneca just spent $2 billion to acquire an oral weight-loss drug candidate. Don’t forget to keep trying to cure cancer too, guys.
Speaking of Ozempic, is there anything it can’t do? Not only does it staunch hunger, studies show it (and similar GLP-1 drugs) may help beat addiction too. Maybe it can help me conquer my Twitter addiction.
Church & Dwight, maker of Trojan condoms and First Response pregnancy tests, saw its share price go fully erect as the company boosted sales forecasts on higher volumes and price increases. There are certain things where you just don’t want to buy the no-name brand version at the dollar store.
That’s it for today, my friends; see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe