Where to make money now
Where employees can stack racks
Good morning, my cash money millionaires. This is your Stock Market Rundown for July 12th, 2023. Thank you once again for reading. Let’s get into it:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: GET THAT MONEY 💵
F*ck what ya heard: big tech is still the place to be when it comes to making mucho dinero.
Based on an analysis by the Wall Street Journal, Meta (the owner of Facebook) paid its median worker $296,000 in 2022. Alphabet (parent of Google) wasn’t far behind that, at $279,000.
To be sure, a job at these behemoths is no cozy sinecure. Both are laying off workers left and right. Meta canned 21,000 workers this year, and Alphabet set to cut 12,000. Nice gig… if you can keep it.
So let’s say you want to get in on this Niagara Falls of lucre. How do you snag a job in big tech? Well, applying to jobs posted on their websites is a long shot. Google gets three million applications per year. You don’t wanna be a salmon swimming upstream in that school of fish.
Instead, try to network into the company via a first or second degree connection, and get a referral. Pro tip: big tech workers get paid a cash bonus if they refer somebody and that person gets hired. So by helping you, they help themselves. Win-win, baby.
If you can get referred, next step is the job interview. A choreographed, yet slightly dirty dance… like the Lambada, but while seated and wearing polyester suits from Men’s Wearhouse.
Be familiar with the skill sets that are most in demand so you can highlight your prowess while minimizing the bullshitting. And don’t be dismayed if you need to do multiple interviews before getting hired at a prestigious big-tech role. Second homes in Lake Tahoe weren’t built in a day.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Global venture dollars invested continue to shrink.Who’s going to fund my startup to manufacture ethically-mined diamond jewelry for household pets?
I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one, but a Shark Tank investment in a Snuggie knockoff grew in value from $50,000 to $468 million in six years.
More than half of GenZ own investments. Does that include my son Jaden’s investments in obscure hallucinogenic shroom strains and Fortnite skins? I’m going to pretend it does.
Experts are debating whether AI should be “slowed down”. Tell it to the guys using ChatGPT to write apology texts to their wives for forgetting her birthday. Divorce averted!
The FTC says Amazon “tricked and trapped” consumers into subscribing to Prime. Face it, we’re all just whores for cheap Chinese merchandise, and Amazon is our pimp.
That’s it for today, see you bright and early tomorrow. Yours in capitalism, The Axe