Maritime mayhem
Trouble on the high seas
Good morning, nautical navigators. This is your Stock Market Rundown for January 8th, 2024. Thanks for starting your week with me. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: SAILING INTO CHAOS
When you’re the captain of a 200-meter-long bulk carrier transporting your massive cargo across the wide blue sea, you don’t really expect to have to worry about your port side being hit by a missile.
But that’s exactly what commercial ships in the Red Sea have been dealing with lately. Iranian-backed Houthi rebels have launched ballistic missiles at ships from territory they control in Yemen, carrying out at least 23 attacks over the past two months. Not exactly a normal day at the office for the sailors.
Nearly a third of all global container ship cargo traverses the Red Sea to get to the Suez Canal. Now, international maritime bodies are advising that ships transiting the risky route should travel at night and not stop, because that makes them an easier target. (Luckily, ocean lanes don’t have red lights.)
With the region becoming rough seas for global shipping, Danish giant Moller-Maersk, which controls one-sixth of global container trade, is re-routing all its ships to avoid the Red Sea and go the long way ‘round—circling the Cape of Good Hope—“for the foreseeable future”. Peers are doing likewise.
For ships taking cargo from Asia to Europe, going around Africa’s southernmost tip adds an extra 4,000 miles and 10 days to their journey. Furniture giant Ikea has warned that the situation may cause “availability constraints”. Getting Billy bookcases and Ektorp sofas to Ikea’s loading dock just became as tough as finding your way around their maze-like stores.
Of course, the world’s only remaining superpower isn’t about to let a few rebels threaten the free flow of international commerce. American warships have begun patrolling the area, eternally vigilant to keep the open seas safe for our Amazon purchases.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Time to stock up on a year’s supply of Slim Jims and Chef Boyardee: food manufacturer Conagra Brands announced plans to cut prices to spur demand, amidst lower sales and profit forecasts.
It was a point-and-click Christmas for US shoppers, as online spending rose 5% during the holidays. Many customers opted for “buy now, pay later” strategies that will have them paying off their festive largesse well into beach season.
If you’re still rocking your Patagucci fleece and haven’t even pulled your Canada Goose parka out of storage yet, you’re not alone. Temperatures across the US have been so mild, they’ve sent natural gas prices plummeting.
Ever unable to resist gimmicks, Microsoft is adding a new “AI button” to its Windows keyboard. I’d find it more useful if they added a button to order a pound of hot wings from Buffalo Wild Wings… ranch dressing on the side, please.
That’s it for today, crewmates; see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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Hit me up at theaxe@stockmarketrundown.co