Mile high club
Legroom limbo at Spirit Airlines
Good morning, frequent flyers. This is your Stock Market Rundown for January 24th, 2024. Thanks for joining me. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: SKY HIGH SYNERGY
Spirit’s competitive position is based on super-low-cost tickets, so they didn’t have room to hike fares when fuel costs spiked. The business has been hemorrhaging cash, and a ballooning debt load is now putting Spirit at risk of bankruptcy.
Solution: a merger with competing airline JetBlue. The deal would unite the nation’s sixth- and seventh-largest airlines. But the plan crash-landed when regulators deemed it anticompetitive, and a federal judge agreed, blocking the merger.
That sent Spirit’s stock plummeting. But some punters are still gambling on it—Barstool founder Dave Portnoy even bought some shares. Considering following him into the trade? Keep in mind, if the government bails out a public company, the shareholders usually get wiped out. Also keep in mind, Dave isn’t a financial advisor and “can’t do basic math” (or so he claims).
Spirit is trying for a Hail Mary pass, appealing the ruling blocking the merger, and praying that consolidation will be their salvation. Look, if the airline industry had their way, there would just be one giant airline.
It would be called SouthUnitedDeltAmerican Airways. Tickets would be $5,000 for economy seats. And there would be so little legroom you’d get deep vein thrombosis before you even got your bag of pretzels.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Who can resist Lindor chocolates at the corner drugstore? Apparently, nobody, given that Swiss confectioner Lindt & Spruengli beat expectations on sales that were up double digits. Diet starts Monday.
Between writedowns and charges, Morgan Stanley’s quarter had more stumbles than Mr. Bean in a salsa-dancing competition. The bank paid $249 million to settle an investigation into some of its traders, who were apparently leaking client information like a malfunctioning bathtub faucet.
Many a midlife crisis was soothed by a sexy sports car last year, as Lamborghini’s annual sales hit a new record of ten thousand vehicles. If you love the style but are lacking the scratch, there are Lambos on AutoTrader for sub-six figures.
A predatory pastor of an online church based in Denver defrauded his flock out of millions by selling them a worthless cryptocurrency. The Lord provides forgiveness… not liquidity.
That’s goodbye from me for today, folks; let's reconvene first thing tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
PS…
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