Roller coaster of cash

Defying gravity at Six Flags

Good morning, amusement-park enthusiasts. This is your Stock Market Rundown for November 8th, 2023. Thank you so much for being here with me. Let’s dig in:

TODAY’S TOP STORY: SCREAM TEAM 🎢

If you’ve recently inhaled a funnel cake or shrieked like a little girl while hurtling down the Hurricane Harbor water slide, you may have been a patron of Six Flags. 

The theme-park operator has a six-decade history of offering fun for kids and grown-ups alike. But the pandemic was a savage blow for the amusements industry, and operators are still struggling with low attendance. 

Now, two industry leaders have hatched a strategy to get their profits going as vertical as a ride on the Twisted Colossus.

Six Flags has merged with Cedar Fair, fusing into a roller-coaster empire comprising 27 amusement parks, 15 water parks, and nine resort properties. Management of the merged entity expects $200 million of “annual synergies”, which is another way of saying head office personnel should dust off their resumes.

Don’t expect any cuts to the folks who wear name tags, though—come summer, the parks will still need just as many sullen teens to man ticket booths, sling hot dogs, and hose the puke off the Goliath.

Random trivia: the “six flags” in the name refers to the six nations that have governed Texas throughout its history: Spain, France, Mexico, the Republic of Texas, the USA, and the Confederate States of America.

Something to contemplate the next time you’re re-evaluating your life choices halfway through the 418-foot drop on the Kingda Ka. You have life insurance, right?

SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

Hitting the pause button for today, dear readers; looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe