Scandalous science
Elizabeth Holmes’ last scam
Good morning, diligent analysts. This is your Stock Market Rundown for June 24th, 2024. Thanks for joining me for another week of finance fun. Let’s get into it:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: TECHNOLOGY TREACHERY
It was a fantastic startup story. No longer would patients suffer the pain and discomfort of having vials of blood drawn. Instead, an exciting new technology would allow screening for hundreds of diseases with just a pinprick. Fantastic story… and complete fabrication.
Theranos was founded by Stanford dropout Elizabeth Holmes, supposedly inspired by her own fear of needles. She raised hundreds of millions from venture capitalists for her medical “breakthrough”, and was lauded as the world’s youngest female self-made billionaire, with a net worth Forbes pegged at $4.5 billion.
But the business collapsed in scandal when a Wall Street Journal investigation uncovered that Theranos’ tests were inaccurate and useless, and its hyped technology basically nonexistent. As Theranos executives fled and its partners bailed, Forbes revised its estimate of Holmes’ net worth to zero.
Two and a half years ago, Holmes was found guilty of conspiracy to defraud investors, and sentenced to 11 years in jail. But—just as energetically as she used to chase venture capital investments—she’s now chasing the chance to clear her name.
Her latest ploy is a long-shot appeal to get her fraud conviction overturned: her lawyers are arguing that the prosecution failed to prove Holmes knew Theranos’ technology was a scam. Considering that she was the founder and CEO, claiming the poor dear was duped is quite a stretch.
If this appeal fails, Holmes will be out of options, and will have to find some new hobbies. Maybe she can get over her fear of needles and take up knitting? Given that her scheduled release date isn’t until August 2032, she’ll have time to crochet an entire wardrobe of cozy sweaters.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
AI companies are scraping media websites without permission to ingest their content. The entire AI industry is starting to look more desperate than a pick-up artist at 2 AM when the nightclub lights come on.
Your taco garnish is suddenly worth its weight in gold. Cilantro prices are up 400% due to droughts in top growing regions.
Chinese fast-fashion retailer Shein is being sued for plagiarism, with dozens of lawsuits accusing it of stealing designs. Somebody tell these guys that the art of fashion design should involve more than hitting Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V.
Electric vehicle startup Fisker, which went public in late 2020, has just filed for bankruptcy. The company never turned a profit, incinerated its cash reserves, and failed to round up any fresh capital to keep the lights on. Maybe Elon Musk will buy it for spare parts.
That’s it for today, my friends; let’s reconvene first thing tomorrow morning. Yours in capitalism, The Axe
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