Shoplifting spree
A $95 billion problem
Good morning, my master criminals. This is your Stock Market Rundown for July 26th, 2023. Thank you very much for joining me once again. Let’s dig in:
TODAY’S TOP STORY: STEAL OF THE DAY 💸
The Stoic philosopher Seneca quipped: “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” With the panny done with, and foot traffic returning to your local shopping complex, retailers are discovering something else that happens when preparation meets opportunity: theft. Experts say “shrink” (the industry name for shoplifting) costs retailers $95 billion a year.
When I say “shoplifter”, you’re probably picturing some less-fortunate individual, trotting with some urgency out of WalMart’s sliding doors with his brand-new VIZIO 55-inch 4K UHD television under his arm. But actually, most shoplifting isn’t perpetrated by local artisanal criminal entrepreneurs.
It’s the product of organized crime rings—major operations employing teams of conspirators who steal and resell vast quantities of merchandise. The CEO of Target said organized crime reduced his company’s profitability by half a billion bucks in 2023.
Stores are throwing everything at the wall to fight shrink. CVS and Walgreens now lock up everyday items like deodorant, aspirin, and razors. How pathetic is it when you have to ask a clerk to unlock a glass case so you can buy a toothbrush?
Other stores have closed locations in high-crime areas, or hired more security guards. Not sure whether the typical Securitas employee who’s more focused on his hoagie and his text messages than on patrolling the grocery aisles is going to be much of a deterrent, but good luck with that.
The trendiest item to steal for enterprising would-be retail bandits? Laundry detergent. It’s so easy to resell online, or even trade for drugs, some cops have termed it “the new currency on the street”. Not exactly Scarface, but it does get those tough grass stains out.
SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?
Johnson & Johnson is spinning out its consumer-health business into a separate unit, Kenvue. The spinout will house brands like Tylenol, Band-Aid, and Listerine, all of which may be useful when severely hung over after a bachelor party.
Spotify is jacking up its fees by a buck. Worth it to me to have Patches’ favourite playlist (CAT DREAMS: Relaxing Music for Cats & Cat Lovers) on repeat.
GE popped on solid Q2 results. The company has cleaned up and trimmed down in recent years, selling off problematic units like GE Capital, and the stock price had doubled in the past year. The financial-crisis implosion that blew a hole the size of a Greyhound bus in their balance sheet is but a faded memory.
Disappearing revenues: Snap, owners of Snapchat, reported weak results amidst slumping digital ad spending. Snapchat still has 750 million monthly active users, who continue to enjoy drunk snapping, filter abuse, and “accidental” screenshots.
That’s it for today folks, see you bright and early tomorrow. Yours in capitalism, The Axe